cosmic puzzles–easy answers

The following questions appeared in New Scientist magazine. They are allegedly the seven unanswered questions that most frequently keep physicists awake at night. I can answer all seven because I have friends with authority on these matters. I decided to put these questions to either the Master Nashwan or my Ouija board mouse pad. [...]

after four years – the ouija mouse pad speaks

It was September of 2005 when the mystical Ouija mouse pad last communicated through this blog. The long time lag is probably a good thing considering the content of its messages. In any case, I was astonished to find that it wanted to speak again tonight. I’ll relinquish control and let it do the talking:
Listen [...]

the ouija board mouse pad returns

After a long absence, he’s back–the voice inside the Parker Brothers brand extra-dimensional communication device, and related mouse pad products.
“Dan’s new trackball mouse threw me off my game for a while, but now I can once again send thoughts through the mystic mouse pad like a shower of sparks. Close your eyes tightly right [...]

startling prediction by local oracle

As far as I know, only here in Seattle are we lucky enough to have a Ouija board mouse pad that makes uncannily accurate predictions of the future. Today I’ve been fortunate enough to receive from the beyond a “future history” of the most important amendments to the U.S. constitution:
1865
Abolition of slavery
1870
Voting rights for [...]

ouija sex perversion

My Ouija Board mouse pad has a message for the unidentified spamster who mailed me and said, “I’m looking for Ouija board partners over the age of 18.” Here is the channeled message:
“I smite you from the depths of Ouija-space. From my vat of hydrogen super-fluid here at the oracle retirement community, I send laser-like [...]

seeking another

I am the entity who speaks through Dan’s Oiuja board mouse pad. I’m responsible, wise, and enjoy Scrabble. Looking for an oracle with similar attributes. Do you like children? I have a 463 year-old son, who is well-behaved and lives in a crystal necklace. You should be spectral, omniscient, and mature. Send photo.

mouse pad wisdom

I am the Ouija board mouse pad, back again to explain life’s mysteries. For you, I will put a framework across the void. Here is my Word for Saturday, March 6, 2004:

Have you ever wondered what binds reality together into a neat package that can be metaphorically tucked under your arm and dropped into [...]

the answers are here

The mouse pad Ouija channels another message below. I’m just a humble conduit.
Dear mortals: If you ignore this communication, you’ll fall through a philosophical trap door into a universe of howling chaos and despair. Just thought you’d want to know. Here is my Word for January 12, 2004:
The knowledge that you seek in this [...]