the fortune you seek

I head a loud crack and suddenly my bicycle seat was several inches lower than it had been. I couldn’t pedal with my butt so low, and was moving at a pretty high speed. Fortunately I managed to slow down and steer the bike to a safe landing on one side of the bike trail. The bolt holding the saddle to the frame had snapped in half. That bolt could be 20 years old – the age of the mighty Bridgestone XO-3 – so I’m not angry at Mr. Bolt.

It was my good fortune to not be in traffic or zooming down a hill when this happened. There’s no snappy ending for this tale. I’m just glad that I got another 30-mile ride in before the summer disappeared, and survived to get a fortune cookie that night.

fortune

bike tree

My brother was visiting Seattle for a few days, and yesterday we took a ferry over to Vashon Island with Scot. While sightseeing and on our way to do some geocaching, Scot told us there was a tree on the island with a bicycle in it. Not a bike sitting in the branches, but a bike in the tree. Right. The idiot. The bozo! We felt like fools scrambling around in the trees looking up for a bike. Then he found the little path that led to the item above.

The first picture is one that I took yesterday. The lower one is what the bike looked like several years ago. The bike was vandalized and the handlebar and front wheel were taken. Someone restored the missing pieces, but the frame and the rear tire is the original deal. If you look closely you can see the edge of one of the pedals, too.

The real story, of course, is that this was a tragic Star Trek transporter accident. Who knows what happened to the bike rider? This bike is also the inspiration for a children’s book by cartoonist Berkeley Breathed, Red Ranger Came Calling.

the way of the huffy

As mentioned before, my Hell Huffy playa bike came with an owner’s manual. I’ve been studying long and hard. Below are actual diagrams from the documentation, but I helped with the text:


Eyes in back of head. You shouldn’t be riding a Huffy unless you can see both forward and to the rear simultaneously.


Parking your bike. Slide the front wheel of your Huffy between the grate slots of a drain for secure parking.


Everyone loves a Huffy. Don’t be surprised when drivers open their doors to say hello and admire your bike.


Rough terrain riding. When negotiating rough ground on your Huffy, lean forward and raise your buttocks in the air. This will enable the bike to levitate a few inches off the ground for a smoother ride.


Auto attack mode. If a car driver is discourteous, you can dismount and send your Huffy careening into the offending vehicle.


Huffy heaven. Anyone who dies in an accident while on a Huffy is guaranteed a helmet halo in the afterlife.


Lord Huffnu. When you reach Huffy heaven, you will be judged by the multi-armed Lord Huffnu. Do not give him the wrong hand signal if you value your soul.