I keep passing by an SUV parked in my neighborhood with a sticker in the back window that says, “I used to be punk I guess.” Is it supposed to be funny? Is it a sad confession?
I guess he or she used to have neon pink hair spikes, looked surly, and wore a leather jacket that said “murder is your destiny” and now the poor sap is driving a bunch of suburban monkey-kids to school every day. Is that the message? Used to listen to Black Flag and now listens to Coldplay? Why advertise this state of affairs?
I have ideas for other stickers.
- “So many frickin’ tattoos I look like a piece of meat spotted with fly eggs.”
- “Used to wear leisure suits; still wear polyester crap and plastic shoes.”
- “Snorted cocaine in the 80s. My nose is gone.”
- “I was a dot com millionaire for ten minutes.”
- “Free-spirited flower child; then mortgage broker; now wearing Depends.”
The sad confession car sticker could be a trend. Feel free to contribute your own so I can start a small auto window and bumper sticker business.
- “I siphoned the gas from your honor student’s car.”
- “So poor I had to eat both the Jesus fish and the Flying Spaghetti Monster off the bumper.”
Help, I can’t stop writing these!