failure of the dorky e-mailers

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Failure of the Dorky E-mailers

Please unsubscribe them
for all eternity.
I’m asking you, St. Isidore of Seville;
and you, Tim Berners-Lee;
and you, Zeus,
with your mighty thunderbolts,
to strike them down.
Those who e-mail an entire list to say,
“Please unsubscribe me.”
“How do I get off this list?”
Woe to them
who did not see
the link at the bottom of each e-mail.
The information right in front
of  their faces.
Smite them.
Transform each one to a puff of smoke.
I ask this in the name of
the Signal-to-Noise Ratio,
and the never-ending quest
to squelch static.
Amen.
P.S. If I had a rock band
I’d name it “Squelch.”

Next: a prayer to have trolls dropped into a cement mixer.

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