wretched, revolting, regal cinema

Standard

Why do l have to re-learn this about once per year? I forget what it was like and return to Regal (henceforth Rectal) Cinema. The matinee price is $8.75(!), so I assume the regular Rectal ticket cost is astronomical. Having paid the big bucks, we go in and see 15 minutes of commercials. I hate paying for commercials. I get more annoyed with each brain-dead marketing pitch. Then we are shown several trailers for coming attractions. Finally we see an animated roller-coaster ride past glowing boxes of Twizzlers, fizzing sugar water, and other gut-destroying food-like products from the Rectal concession. Once they have you both angry and nauseated they start the film. No wonder people wait for the DVD.

I recommend “Up In the Air,” which is a very fine movie. But do not under any circumstances see it or anything else at a Rectal Cinema.

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