Our local county voter’s pamphlet has arrived to educate us about the upcoming primary. The best field of candidates is for the senate seat. My favorites:
Norma D. Gruber. This candidate submitted no information; not even a photo. Just a name. She is a blank slate. I find that very appealing. I think Norma is invisible, untouchable, and inaudible. You can’t smell her. She is, to all intents and purposes, not there at all. Yet she is running for the U.S. Senate, which is a bold move for a non-entity. Blank Slate Party. Vote for nothing! Stand for nothing! Go, Norma!
Goodspaceguy. I’m not making up this name. He’s been on the ballot before. He says he’s been rejected by the voters ten times. His statement also says that he doesn’t smoke and he loves the stars. He says that we voters are “sheeple.” “The people of spaceship Earth are his family.” Our destiny is to colonize the solar system. He hates the minimum wage and loves the free market. I am totally with him on space colonization, but I question his ability to lead, based on his inability to market himself as a sane person.
Mike Latimer. Mike says, in italics, “give the Bible, prayer, and Jesus their rightful place in our schools. We need leaders that hear God’s voice and will follow His direction...” Do we really want a leader who hears a voice in his head and claims it’s the voice of God? Do we really want to abandon everything the Founding Fathers set up for us and merge government with religion? President James Madison said, “The purpose of separation of church and state is to keep forever from these shores the ceaseless strife that has soaked the soil of Europe with blood for centuries.” I’m with James, so I can’t get with your program, Mike. Your references to porn and homosexuality give me a queasy feeling that you’re overly obsessed with sex. Ewww.
Clint Didier. Clint says, “I’ve lived the American dream. Where else can the son of a potato farmer rise to play in the stardom of three Super Bowls?” Clint, the Super Bowl is in America, so you’re right that this is the only country where you could do it. That’s good, I’m still with you. “Sarah Palin and many grassroots liberty groups endorse me…” Whoops. You lost me there. Sarah Palin? The governor who quit halfway through her term? The one who repeatedly made a fool of herself on national TV? The one who, like a stone around his neck, helped pull John McCain to the bottom? Nah.
Schalk Leonard. Schalk served with distinction as a Navy JAG. I respect that and thank him for his service. In his statement he pretends he is America talking and says, “Help me. I am lost and confused. I fear for my children.” He goes on to say that we can wipe away her (America’s) tears. He says “We will walk side by side with America. When we are weary, when we can walk no more, our children will continue our journey.” I’m sorry, but I’m not going to vote for someone who splurts this kind of schmaltzy prose. Drama queen, anyone? He has no positions on any issues. His only mention of foreign affairs is, “When they (other countries) stumble and fall we lend them a hand…” Please. Stop already. [Note: see link to his Web site in the comments section to find more specifics on the issues.]
William Edward Chovil. “I am pro-life, pro-liberty, pro-gun, pro-audacity, pro-Sarah Palin, and John Gault.” I can get behind the audacity bit, but John Gault? Yikes! An Ayn Rand lover with a gun! And we’ve already been over the Palin issue. Under the heading “Other professional experience” he lists, “Caregiver & defender of our Republic.” I don’t think I want to know how William has been defending our Republic. Patrolling the Mexican border with a rifle? Hunting non-American moose that come over the border from Canada?
Had enough? I have, except for one more tidbit I can’t resist. There’s another Senate candidate, Will Baker, who says that Secretary of State Sam Reed has “canceled the entire 2010 printed Washington State Primary Voter’s Pamphlet.” And I’m quoting this from the booklet he says has been canceled. That does not bode well from a candidate who says “the truth rocks.”