Going to Burning Man? Look for the Skeptical Bastards on the mountain-side of Guangzhou, located between 4:00 and 3:30–across the street from Hushville’s outer boundary. That’s all gibberish and unnecessary if you aren’t attending. If you are going, then read on, brothers and sisters, because there is hope for you.
If you drop by the Skeptical Bastards camp during our unannounced and unpredictable office hours, we’ll have a wide range of generous offerings for any flesh beings who drop by. Sorry–no service for ghosts, spirits, will o’ wisps, wraiths, banshees, or phantasms. Does that seem too exclusive? Maybe so, but it’s the camp’s first year, so we’re starting small with corporeal beings only. And what fantastic services you can get for free, free, free!!!!
- Get yourself a refreshing cup of Placebex™ or whatever name our fellow bastard Jon has decided on for this stuff. It’s a homeopathic beverage–so dilute, and therefore so powerful, that after one swallow you may not have to drink water again for the entire week in the desert.
- Ass-trological readings. What does your posterior have to say about your future and fortune? Find out when a highly trained rumpologist reads your derriere-derived destiny. You may be surprised to learn that your buttocks are an open book to an expert—precise details about your love life, financial future, and personality are laid bare.
- Master Nashwan. The world-renowned spiritual master promises to offer blessings, infusions of celestial vibration, and guided meditation to a troubled world. He may bring a supply of Master Nashwan’s Used Bathwater™. Pray that he does, and pray that you are worthy. This potent elixir holds some of the spiritual energy that pours off the Master when he bathes. Drink it and become one with the Master. Spit it out and become two.
- Discover your personal animal spirit guide. With the help of special, hand-crafted divination cards, learn which noble creature in the natural world is tuned to your soul. Draw strength and wisdom from the wild spirit that watches over you and occasionally gnaws at your aura.
- Alien autopsy. Your eyes are not deceiving you. There will be an opportunity to personally take part in the dissection of a genuine alien corpse, courtesy of DaMert Company games.
- Skeptical advice. You name it, we’ll doubt it. Absolutely guaranteed. Honest.
Look for us, fellow Burners. Join the Bastards. Don’t pull the woo over your eyes.