god hates yoga

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This is wonderfully silly. Mark Driscoll, a Seattle minister from Mars (Mars Hill Church) claims that practicing yoga is demonic. This man is the same fountain of wisdom who once said, “A wife who lets herself go and is not sexually available to her husband … is not responsible for her husband’s sin, but she may not be helping him either.” Yeah, he’s a little, shall we say, confused on the whole female emancipation thing. But that was so recent–only back in the 1800’s–and who can stay current with all this woman’s stuff, anyway?

So let’s get back to yoga. It’s been around for thousands of years, so there’s been time to form a reasoned opinion. Mark says yoga is the same thing as pantheism and paganism. And so it must be.

What could be worse than pantheism? If you’ve ever met a pantheist you know you’ve met evil incarnate. Trust Mark Driscoll on this; pantheism is a wellspring of wickedness in this world. Visit a maximum-security prison for violent offenders and you’ll find cells full of drooling, fearsome pantheists. Pagans are worse, of course. They live among us, normal looking, but conduct vivisection on newborn babies in midnight ceremonies.

When you think of it, this yoga revelation opens up a huge can of worms. If yoga is demonic, then what must we think of tai chi? Gentle body movements from hell. Kung fu and karate — Satan’s self defense. Pilates chairs and tables – The devil’s own furniture! It doesn’t stop there. “Look out! You’re leaning on Lucifer’s lumbar support pillow!”

The fine thing about people who believe in such things as yoga being evil is this: it’s easy to manipulate them. If they believe in demons, they probably also believe in ghosts, malevolent spirits, trolls, leprechauns…you name it. “Get thee behind me, Ouija board, for you and all Parker Brothers merchandise are wicked.” Yes, you could scare them with a Ouija board, for they know naught of the ideomotor effect. You could threaten to infect them with unsanctified rock and roll music and they might run scared or invoke their deity for strength. Introduce them to a family of faithful Hindus and they’ll puzzle over how to save the souls of these non-Christians.

They are a predictable lot, these believers in invisible spirits; and easily spooked. Be careful when in their vicinity, and for God’s sake, don’t sit in a lotus posture when talking to them. They’ve got enough to worry about without you going all pagan on them.

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