My sister-in-law recently wrote an article for my hometown newspaper about answering machine messages. It reminded me of this little classic that Maggie wrote and I recorded many years ago. We used it for at least a few months. After giving our names and phone number, it said:

If you’re calling to sell us something, please select from the following menu:
To go to hell in a handbasket, please press 1.
To go to hell in a pneumatic tube, please press 2.
To be personally shoved down a 16-inch hell-hole by one of our representatives, please press 3.
Thank you!

Another greeting that I did requested callers to sing their message, but I don’t think we ever topped the one above.

Speaking of phones, I’ve been told by Kelly, art car queen, that the famous Telephone Car was crushed in late January when snow caused a roof to collapse in a Boston-area industrial park. Actually, two phone cars and several other cars he (Howard Davis) owned were damaged. Sad business, eh?


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