signs and wonders

Standard

While wandering through the Ballard Seafood Festival today, two signs caught my attention.

Sign #1
troll

Who wants a fish caught by some danged Internet troll, local or not? I hate trolls  … or do they mean this kind of troll?

troll
How could that purple-haired doll catch a salmon? Maybe they mean a real live troll of legend that catches fish.
fish_troll

If that’s the case, I don’t believe them. Show me the troll, alive or dead, and tell me its genus species.  Grotesquerie pescadora. Another possibility is that maybe, just maybe, there’s a problem with my knowledge of fishing terminology. (Cool, how they smoke a signature right onto the salmon, by the way.)

Sign #2

reality-based

(Click to enlarge.)

This is a curious one. “A Family of One, In Him.” Is this traditional family values? A family of one, inside of someone? Like a homunculus in your toe? Sounds lonely. In the fine print under the church name it says, “Reality Based.” Okay, it sounds about as reality-based as the troll fisher. But I’ll withhold judgement until I’ve laid my eyes on a family of one, in him, whatever that means.

“Sound Bible Teaching.” That’s good. Presumably they make distinctions between supernatural claims, mythology, and literature.

“Men’s & Women’s Ministries.” That’s important – the Bible teaches that men are head of the household and women must obey their husbands. Men should get a leadership ministry, and women a child-rearing and support-role ministry. (Important note: males wrote the Bible.)

“Blended worship.” Worship should definitely be placed in a blender, with a shot of espresso. “I’ll have cafe godacinno with room, double tall.”

“AWANA Children’s Ministry.” AWANA is dedicated to indoctrinating children into believing in an invisible, undetectable deity that rewards and punishes. It can take years to undo the damage this does to some impressionable minds. Joking aside, this is a shameful practice.

“Missions Teams.” I can only hope they are simply doing worthy charitable work and not trying to use the opportunity to persuade economically disadvantaged people to believe bizarre ideas about the supernatural, retrogressive sex roles, and discrimination against anyone who isn’t heterosexual. They wouldn’t do that, would they?

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