I had a very special package to send to my parents in another state. How would I avoid the usual lines at post offices and mailing companies? Well, a noodly appendage touched me on the shoulder and said, “Go to your local UPS storefront after work.”
I’m confident that the Flying Spaghetti Monster put this thought in my head, because when I arrived there was no line at all. No one. Just a clerk waiting for me. At this point you might be saying, “Dangblog, it was just a coincidence.” But then the clerk asked me if had an AAA card, because that would give me a shipping discount. And yes, I had an AAA card, and the discount was bestowed. No clerk offers this kind of tip without divine intervention.
If that incident doesn’t smell of pasta sauce, here’s another. For weeks now I’ve been shopping at Fred Meyers and found the following items selling at the bargain price of two for $4.00– Endangered Species brand chocolate bars, and Theos chocolate bars. Yesterday I wandered over to the “unnatural” candy aisle (it must be, because the first two bars were in “natural foods”) and found Lindt “Excellence” Intense Orange chocolate bars for the same price.
My chocolate cup runneth over. All three favorites practically falling into my shopping basket. The FSM is shining its full glory onto my radiant, chocolate-smeared face and I feel, just for a moment, that I might live through an otherwise bleak holiday season.
P.S. After writing this post, I received an invitation to a Pastafarian holiday party. I’m not kidding. This has never happened before. I traveled far and wide on Google to find an appropriate video to accompany this post.