If you came to this page because of the subject line, you’re a sucker. You’re not a loser, however, because below are my absolutely free and failsafe tips for capturing Internet eyeballs. Note: keep your captured eyeballs frozen or at least refrigerated.
- Always have a top-ten or top-five list in your headline.
- Use the words “amazing,” “incredible,” “shocking,” “surprising” or “unbelievable” in your headline.
- “Best” and “worst” are also good.
- Important tags: “sex” and “nude.”
- On occasion, take a break from top-ten lists by throwing in a subject line that begins, “Scientists are baffled …”
- Or, “My God, this is happening right now!”
- Or, “Here’s the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever seen.”
- Promise a video that will stun and shock all who see it.
- Later, tell readers that you had to take down that video after complaints from the Society for Biological Engineering.
- Say this as frequently as possible: “Rabid weasels are not the enemy.”
Bonus tip #11. Put each of your top-10 items on a separate page, forcing readers to click on your site 10 times. Everyone loves this.
Discussion: All of the above is satire, but some techniques may actually work until readers discover that you don’t actually have interesting content.