The 10 most surprising ways to be insanely popular

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If you came to this page because of the subject line, you’re a sucker. You’re not a loser, however, because below are my absolutely free and failsafe tips for capturing Internet eyeballs. Note: keep your captured eyeballs frozen or at least refrigerated.

  1. Always have a top-ten or top-five list in your headline.
  2. Use the words “amazing,” “incredible,” “shocking,” “surprising” or “unbelievable” in your headline.
  3. “Best” and “worst” are also good.
  4. Important tags: “sex” and “nude.”
  5. On occasion, take a break from top-ten lists by throwing in a subject line that begins, “Scientists are baffled …”
  6. Or, “My God, this is happening right now!”
  7. Or, “Here’s the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever seen.”
  8. Promise a video that will stun and shock all who see it.
  9. Later, tell readers that you had to take down that video after complaints from the Society for Biological Engineering.
  10. Say this as frequently as possible: “Rabid weasels are not the enemy.”

Bonus tip #11. Put each of your top-10 items on a separate page, forcing readers to click on your site 10 times. Everyone loves this.

Discussion: All of the above is satire, but some techniques may actually work until readers discover that you don’t actually have interesting content.

Captured Internet eyeball:
eyeball

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