sportsman’s club


Below is a real ad from a recent hometown newspaper.  I blotted out the location and person identifiers so readers won’t flock to my hometown and spoil a country paradise.


I’m such a doof that when I first looked at it I wasn’t even sure what they did with the dead squirrels. I wondered if the hunters just like to watch the animals twitch and bleed and die. Then I noticed the part that says half of the catch goes to an upcoming wild game dinner. These animals aren’t wasted.

I would definitely eat squirrel meat if I was starving. No doubt about it. I would be more inclined to eat squirrel than insect, even though insects are perfectly good food and less likely to suffer. It’s just the way I am. Why does rabbit sound better than squirrel? Why does squirrel sound better than cat?

I found 36 squirrel recipes on one website. Here are some random quotes from different dishes:

“Wash and dry squirrel.”
“Meanwhile,  melt Crisco in cast-iron skillet.”
“Rub squirrels with salt, black and red pepper.”
“Throw the squirrel’s body on hot coals to singe off all the fur.”
“By the way, grey squirrel is even better than red squirrel and they are both better tasting when hunted in the fall.”

But back to the squirrel hunt. There’s no information on how many you can catch (no limit?) or what you have to do to win a prize. I like the part about how hunters under 14 can use a shotgun or rifle. That’s so you can give little kids a 10-gauge and watch them get knocked on their butts by the recoil. Maybe.

I’ll add one more rule: Hunters from ages 1 to 6 can use automatic weapons and IEDs.


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