the fine art of bumper stickery


More than once on this blog I’ve commented on bumper stickers. I’ve decried smooshy bland liberal bumper stickers like “War is not the answer,” and unintentionally funny bumper stickers. I’ve tried writing my own but mine were too verbose: So poor I had to eat both the Jesus fish and the Flying Spaghetti Monster off the bumper.

Speaking of food, today I saw one that said, “No Farms/No Food.” It seemed pretty nihilistic. Maybe they want to promote population control through starvation. No farms! No food! I hope the driver is prepared if he gets his wish. What? You think it meant something else?

Reminds me of a highway sign I saw when visiting Michigan recently. It said, “Injure/Kill a Worker: $7500 + 15 Years.” Yeah, it was interesting. You win $7,500+ for 15 years just for winging a construction worker? Some kind of weird state lottery? It didn’t make sense to me.

But back to bumper stickers. How about, “Just another straight person for gay rights.” Have you seen that one? Translation: “I’m in favor of gay rights ‘n stuff, but I’m not gay personally and want to make that very clear.”

Recently the sticker I’ve seen most often is the word COEXIST fashioned out of religious symbols from various faiths. Let’s take a moment to calculate the effect this, or any bumper sticker, has on world peace, ending violence, and promoting religious tolerance. Okay, add up the number of people who have this bumper sticker, the number of people who read the bumper sticker, multiply by the square root of the number of people whose lives are altered by reading the message, carry the one, and … got it! The effect is exactly zero! No wait, let me double-check my figures. Oh, I had it right the first time. No effect. Dang.

Here’s one I can tolerate:




2 thoughts on “the fine art of bumper stickery

  1. I’ve noticed an effect I would call bumper-sticker addiction. Once a person starts, they can’t seem to stop, and the stickers start climbing up and over their trunk. They obscure the back window. On another note, I have one for the front bumper, “Oops! Sorry.”

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