the carrot and stick diet

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We are disrupting the diet industry a with low-cost, astonishing diet alternative …

Here’s a surprisingly simple way to lose up to 10 pounds in just one week. It seems like magic. In fact, after three days on this diet you can stand in front of a mirror and, with patience and focus, actually watch your waistline become smaller. Seeing is believing, and you’ll be a believer after literally watching the fat disappear before your eyes.

Maria S. from Tucson, Arizona tried at least a dozen weight loss plans and diets, including Weight Watchers, with absolutely no success until she tried the Carrot and Stick Diet and lost 50 pounds in five weeks! Many others are reporting similar success. How do they do it?

The appealing secret behind the carrot and stick diet is the ability to eat as much as you want. The important thing is to narrow your food choices to sweet, delicious carrots and hardy, crunchy sticks (the kind of sticks you will find under a tree in a yard or park). Sticks are made mostly of cellulose. Not everyone is aware that cellulose is made of nano-scale materials that depend heavily on quantum gravity for their existence. That’s why sticks have such incredible qualities. This fibrous substance:

  • fills you up but will not digest and create fat.
  • is the same material that many modern biofuels are derived from (a bacteria found in zebra poop can convert nearly any form of cellulose into butanol fuel).
  • is the primary means of sustenance for billions of termites.

sticks

Carrots, meanwhile, are a well-known superfood, packed with carotene and vitamins K and B6. Enjoy a carrot-and-stick sundae with crushed ice topping. Eat a hearty dinner of mashed carrots and grilled sticks. Drink as much water as you want! There’s no end to the variety of healthful, tasty recipes. Both carrots and sticks are:

  • gluten free
  • fat free
  • non-dairy
  • soy free
  • cruelty free
  • high-fructose-corn-syrup free

The “roughage” in the carrots and sticks passes right through you, carrying with it toxins, environmental poisons, fat globules, and germs. For many people, this reduces or eliminates the need for medical care, increasing your income and hitting “big pharma” right where it hurts – in the pocketbook!

carrotgoat

A carrot and stick cookie is the anti-cupcake

It’s a well-studied fact that cupcakes are the primary cause of disease in the U.S. today. It’s no accident that we see the Latin word “crustulum” (small pastry) mentioned over and over again in historical texts describing the events leading up to the fall of the Roman Empire. We are in for a fall as well, unless we eliminate obesity, dietary chemicals, and cupcakes. A fresh-baked stick-and-carrot cookie satisfies your cravings and makes you stronger. Toss your cupcakes into the trash where they belong.

Listen to reason

Who do you think has your best interests at heart? The corporate-friendly American Medical Association? The “science nerds” with their test tubes and double-talk? The exercise gurus whose lives are a sweaty, groaning hell? No. Listen to nature, listen to the trees that gently drop sticks at your feet. Look to the lowly carrot, with its jaunty green sprigs and mighty orange taproot. Those who decry this diet are shills and death-mongers.

It begins now. Lose weight, save money, grow slender and beautiful as a willow. Eat sticks. Eat carrots. Repeat. The secret is out. Stick it to the Man. Stick up for yourself. Carrots – not just for ferrets and parrots!

(Thanks to Steve Novella at Neurologica Blog for the inspiration.)

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