the carrot and stick diet

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I am disrupting the diet industry a with low-cost, astonishing diet alternative.

Here’s a surprisingly simple way to lose up to 10 pounds in just one week. It seems like magic. You can stand in front of a mirror and literally watch the fat disappear before your eyes.

The appealing secret behind the carrot and stick diet is the ability to eat as much as you want. The important thing is to narrow your food choices to sweet, delicious carrots and hardy, crunchy sticks (the kind of sticks you will find under a tree in a yard or park).

Sticks are made mostly of cellulose, an incredible substance that:

  • fills you up but will not digest.
  • is the same material that many modern biofuels are derived from.
  • is the primary means of sustenance for billions of termites.

sticks

Carrots, meanwhile, are a well-known superfood, packed with carotene and vitamins K and B6. Enjoy a carrot-and-stick sundae with crushed ice topping. Eat a hearty dinner of mashed carrots and grilled sticks. Drink as much water as you want! There’s no end to the variety of healthful, tasty recipes.

The “roughage” in the carrots and sticks passes right through you, carrying with it toxins, environmental poisons, fat globules, and germs. By reducing or eliminating the need for medical care, it increases your savings and hits “big pharma” right where it hurts – in the pocketbook!

carrotgoat

By the way, here’s a little-known fact about cupcakes

It’s a well-studied fact that cupcakes are the primary cause of disease in the U.S. today. It’s no accident that we see the Latin word “crustulum” (small pastry) mentioned over and over again in historical texts describing the events leading up to the fall of the Roman Empire. Toss your cupcakes into the trash where they belong.

Listen to reason

Who do you think has your best interests at heart? The corporate-friendly American Medical Association? The “science nerds” with their test tubes and double-talk? The exercise gurus whose lives are a sweaty, groaning hell? No. Listen to nature, listen to the trees that gently drop sticks at your feet. Look to the lowly carrot, with its jaunty green sprigs and mighty orange taproot. Those who decry this diet are shills and death-mongers.

THE SECRET REVEALED RIGHT HERE

Grow slender and beautiful as a willow. Eat sticks. Eat carrots. Repeat. The secret is out. Stick it to the Man. Stick up for yourself. Carrots – not just for ferrets and parrots!

(Thanks to Steve Novella at Neurologica Blog for the inspiration.)

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